It feels good to be here again, for a few minutes at least, sitting at my desk, taking in my ordinary window view of mountain and bare trees and muddy meadow and ever changing sky.
Last week at this time I was rush, rush, rushing between winter storm systems, trying to accomplish all of my “before surgery” preparations, scurrying, anxious, not knowing what to expect from the weather, my body, (ohh, no, bronchitis?!) the surgery and all that would follow.
But here I am, six days out, and my heart is filled with gratitude for the bubble of peace in which I am (mostly) living out my days. My ever chattering “shoulds” have been unnaturally quiet, and I find myself hoping the surgeon removed them along with the material from that herniated disc. I am content to do so little, and I find joy in the opportunity to rest while perusing a Lehman’s simple living catalog…and then I doze off and that’s fine too.
Max Lucado’s book, Traveling Light, Releasing the Burdens You were Never Intended to Bear, speaks to my soul day after day, and I wonder again as to the source of this unexpected gem of a book. It was just “there” on the shelf…the second time a mysterious book appearance has occurred here in the past few months. I’ll just chalk it up to God’s work one way or another.
I feel carried in the peace that only Jesus gives, loved for no reason at all, and I’m not sure what to make of it…except a big deal!! Certainly it’s a God-thing, for it is counter to my nature; I know I am carried on the prayers of friends and family members who have promised this gift. Cards and facebook greetings and text messages and phone conversations remind me that I am rich, rich, rich, blessed with treasure beyond any purchasing power I will ever have.
-“I put your name on every calendar,” she said, this dear friend in a far place.
-“God’s got your back,” quipped one who never turns down the chance to turn a pun, then texted she was praying for peace and a keen awareness of God’s loving presence.
-Someone else prepared Youngest’s favorite meal (stuffed shells…how we all love the cheesy wonderfulness!) and from a different source we enjoyed chicken and potato chowder with the fattest muffins ever. (Gone.) There was lasagna soup (so savory!) and a pan of chicken enchiladas is waiting in the freezer. And more soup. So much bounty.
-All of my too-far-away grown sons and their wives have been checking in with texts or phone calls or visits, and the high point of one day was hearing, “GrammyB, GrammyB through the phone. (How I’m looking forward to some up-close and personal time with my own personal little “Vitamin C” this weekend!)
-A cheerful begonia smiles at me across the living room. "You need some Spring," smiled the delivering friend.
-I'm munching dark chocolate gogi berry snacks and dunking homemade biscotti in my coffee. During one phone call, I laughed so hard my belly shook. (And so did my incision. That has to be healing, right?)
-One afternoon, my little Amish neighbor girls arrived at the door bearing shy smiles and a plate of fresh moon pies.
I’m missing basketball games and prayer time with friends and the last soccer tournament of this season.
I realize I haven’t been further than the mailbox for five days (six, now) with no plans for anything different anytime soon, and I’m okay with that.
This is the piece – the peace- that I cannot explain.
Perhaps I am learning this “be where your feet are” in a different, deeper way.
So often I have stumbled on this journey,
and I will undoubtedly have more moments-hours-days of anxiety,
times when what I can’t do overshadows gratitude in a grumbling haze.
But for this sun washed hour, I choose gratitude for the treasures of my days, for the peace in which I rest.