Something very hard...something I couldn't change or fix.
Something that couldn't be fixed...only healed.
And I couldn't see that God was doing anything.at.all.
I sat wrapped in the pain of that experience, while dealing with my own re-entry issues at home while still getting over jet lag...it was a dark time. I wasn't sure I even wanted to be in church because I didn't want to face any questions... answers were too complicated and tears were too close.
And then we sang this song...I'd never heard it before although apparently it had been around awhile. The words washed over my numb soul. I could barely focus; then I felt my perceptive friend's fingers on my back" as she leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "I think this song is for YOU today..."
I sat up a little straighter and tried to focus my thoughts, my heart on the words. It was all just a little too true - mountains that needed to be moved weren't moving, no answers were forthcoming from the only One who could help and heal and give hope.
Then came that chorus - "I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You," and I knew it was the only answer that would carry me through whatever was coming.
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I try to win this war
I confess, my hands are weary, I need Your rest
Mighty warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face You're by my side
When You don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There's not a day ahead You have not seen
So in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less
When You don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.
I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There's not a place where I'll go, You've not already stood
When you don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You
I can't guess how many times I've hit "replay" on this song. I've written the words in my journal, and on occasion I've been known to belt out that chorus at top volume, because I want it to be true in my life -
Not in my dreams and hopes. (Taking crash and burn to new levels recently...)
Not in my timing. (Which would have been weeks/months ago.)
No, my trust is in this One alone:
The Lord is my rock
and my fortress
and my deliverer,
my God,
my rock in whom I take refuge,
my shield,
and the horn of my salvation,
my stronghold.
(v.30)This God—His way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him.