I love looking close, then closer
at the Word, His words,
true for eternity, true for today,
words for everyone,
for any one,
for one,
for me.
It is tucked into my psalm for the day, a gift, the Presence. I haven't asked. Not yet. I am too unsettled to name my need. I feel restless; anxiety dances in my peripheral space, my soul is a noisy place.
I desperately need... Him, need the present of His Presence. Even if I don't know enough to ask, He knows. He always knows. And He gives. Himself. Again.
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you...
Those are the words over which I linger, the words I dare to presume can be true, can be meant for me. I imagine treasure, like foil wrapped chocolates on Egg-Hunt day, waiting to be discovered. Hidden there by Him. For me. It is as if God smiles and nudges me..."look under there." I begin to dig, to dance around the words, to push them left and right, to see what might lie hidden beneath them.
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you...
Cast -- throw, hurl, toss, heave. I am weak and weary. Even the strength to do this must come from God.
your burden -- "what He has given you" says the marginal note, an alternative translation, and I pause long here. Yes, this is from You, this burden I carry, and what You have given is heavy. I ponder this duality of my reality - this heavy burden is what He has given. This that I cannot carry and must cast on You has come from You. I know I cannot carry this gift. I will regift it to the One who gave it, as per His instructions.... Is this possible? Can I do that?? It doesn't seem proper. It could be a scandal, and it is, oh, it is. It is a scandalous love His offers.
on the Lord -- really? Again I ask, really? He really does not mean for me to carry this on my own?
and He -- that one, That One, who is Refuge, Tower, Heart Mender, Dream Sender, Hand Holder even though I'm older, my Helper, my Teacher, Lost Sheep Seeker, Sustainer, Tear Saver... how is it that at 50-something it seems I've only begun to discover who He is?
will sustain -- keep, maintain, guide, hold, nourish, make provision, provide sustenance, be present...Is it not enough that He is all that He is? He will also do on my behalf all that I need? Is it possible to be so kept, so cared for by That One?
you -- No qualifiers. I can look in the mirror and read this to myself. These words are for me. Me. Needy, high maintenance, empty me.
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you...
So, here I am, in such need of this verse for this day.
I come empty
empty of strength, empty of rest, empty of vision, empty of hope;
I come full,
full of weariness, full of heaviness, full of anxieties, full of plaguing doubts about the "gift" You have given.
And I do it:
with the strength that comes from you,
I throw, I heave, I cast my burden,
this entire heart full of stuff,
(what You have given me?!)
on the You, Lord,
You who really are "all that" and more.
And You - yes, that One,
will sustain and keep and bear and make provision for
and hold and nourish and and guide and be present for
me.