Category: Clouds

Reading messages in the...sky?!

10/27/2018

One evening recently, I hurried out the door for my walk just as the evening sun dipped below the horizon.
I was worried that I was too late,
disappointed that sunset had already happened,
certain I had missed the day’s sky splendor.

But I also knew I needed the exercise, because as I recently learned, anxiety is energy that needs to go somewhere, and I definitely needed to go somewhere!

My jumbled thoughts and scrambling feet rushed down the road, past the cemetery. I walked directly toward the spot where the sun had disappeared. The skyscape before me wasn’t spectacular, but it was nice, and I could feel my perspective shifting, broadening beyond my tiny (in-my-head) world.

I breathed in deep draughts of the chill evening air, pausing just a moment to inhale the peace that surrounded me.

And then I glanced over my shoulder;
behind me,
to the northeast,
the sky was a show of fancy pink and gentle blue.

Oh.

I watched the post-sunset color show lighting up the sky, and I pondered the message written there.

I surveyed the cows, the horses, grazing, heads down, every one of them unaware of what was spreading above them like a flood of glory.

I wondered how often I have been just like them.
Head down.
Tunnel vision.
Nose to the ground.
Focused only on what was in front of me, and completely oblivious to what was very near if only I had shifted my perspective to take it in.

The color crept west and stained every cloud fragment magenta or steely blue.

And then everything went pinkest pink...

It took me awhile to get home that evening, walking frontwards, backwards, circling, trying to read the handwriting on the canvas spread above me. In Psalm 19:1, David wrote: “The heavens are telling the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork.” (Psalm 19:1) Tonight, the heavens were telling and I was listening, and here's what I heard:

Don’t give up too soon. Even when you think it's too late, God has a way of showing up.

Watch for God's glory in unexpected places.

Look east at sunset.
Or north!

What have you heard the heavens proclaim?

HumminB

4 Comments

Always good...

8/18/2018

13 Comments

Summer storm sky

It’s been another very difficult summer. A different kind of difficult than last summer to be sure, but again, not one I’d ever want to repeat.
And the culmination of the days of Max’s pain and increasing disability?

Back surgery.
Again.

The thought of facing that experience, again, has been daunting. He couldn’t look the possibility in the eye for weeks and weeks, but eventually, pain pushed him over the wall of “it couldn’t be a back issue” into the office of the surgeon who helped him so effectively four years ago.

The time from first appointment to MRI to follow-up appointment was six days to get in, two days until the MRI, five days for the follow-up, and no surprise to either of us, we came home with a surgery date. Which was only a dozen days later. Amazing. And hard as it all was, the process was blessedly streamlined and very reassuring. Although it took a while, I had to eventually land on the truth that “You’re always good,” even when life was dishing up a main course that was hard to swallow.

And then this week happened, when someone decided that this was a pre-existing condition. (Which it is not. I won’t go into the elaborate details.) A request for review was made...and then a second request, complete with images showing that four years ago these areas were fine, intact, and problem free.   My husband’s pre-existing condition is country life...animals. And gardening. And a wood furnace. And a dozen other back intensive hobbies/activities.

So, I talked to people on the phone. So many people. For hours.   The doctor’s office.   The insurance rep. The hospital billing department. And case management. And repeat. But at the end of the day i.e., 4:30 (wow, people leave offices early these days...) I was the (un)lucky person who has the heartbreaking job of telling a man who has pain relief only when he’s lying down that his Monday surgery which the doctor promised would fix this problem has been cancelled.

For the insurance to cover it, he’d have to wait another year and four months. (We signed up last January, and we have to be enrolled for 36 months before they’ll cover a pre-existing condition. Even though this isn’t that.)   So sure, we’ll just put life on hold and wait until then??

We looked at becoming “self-pay...” Cash in retirement, or back surgery? Hmmm. And even that couldn’t happen by Monday.

So, “somebody” from the insurance group will have a relaxing pain-free evening, and she will not have to live out the consequences of her own decision by at least being the person to notify the patient of the decision.

And “somebody” from the hospital who made an arbitrary decision about ability to pay without even talking to the patient?!?! will have an early dinner tonight (all the case managers are gone for the day...it was 4:25) and will not have to bear the burden of the mouse click canceling surgery for someone he has never met or even spoken to on the phone.

And I’m angry and frustrated and discouraged and full of questions. I’ve had better days. (Worse ones too, but not recently.) My whole world feels a little stormy.

Storm clouds brooding over Hickory Lane.

As the winds rise and clouds roll in, the question whispers in my soul –

Now? Is God still good? Did you mean it?

I must return to my yes.

It’s faint(hearted) and feeble; sometimes it’s just a whisper. And while I’d still like some kind of miraculous turnabout, or at least an explanation, a glimpse of “the greater good," this is what I'm hearing: “Trust Me.”

I’ve had some moments along the way when I’ve imagined, “NOW I’ve got this trust thing down; I can rest unwaveringly.” But no. My soul’s legs feel a little wobbly just now, more than a little weak, and I’m once again looking for someplace to lean. (As my grandson so sweetly says when he’s having trouble, “A little help over here, please.”) I think that's the perfect prayer for this day, this season: “A little help over here, please...”

Days like this, I find that I need to remind myself, it’s either true or it isn’t.
I am either going to believe it now and live that way,
or there’s no point in ever saying I believe anything.

And this I do believe - the One on whom I lean hard when storms blow wild and won’t let up, when it’s dark out there, and in here too, that One is faithful. Completely trustworthy.

Ominous sky. Gathering storm. Keep walking. Heading home.

When the answer is no or wait or “none of the above,” or God only knows what else (yes, God knows.)-

the one bit I can count on is the One.

Unwavering Presence in my present moments, every one of them.

One day at a time, the One, walking with me.

I’ve got to stand on what I have found to be true every day of my life up to this day.

You’re always good.
Always good.

You will not be sorry you took the time to click through this link and spent 3:31 minutes listening to this powerful song which I cannot stop hearing, humming, holding. So much truth to carry with me through every stormy day... (I've posted the lyrics below.)

Always Good

Do You remember how Mary was grieving?
How You wept and she fell at Your feet?
If it's true that You know what I'm feeling
Could it be that You're weeping with me?

Arise, O Lord, and save me, there's nowhere else to go

You're always good, always good
Somehow this sorrow is shaping my heart like it should
And You're always good, always good

It's so hard to know what You're doing
So why won't You tell it all plain?
But You said You'd come back on the third day
And Peter missed it again and again

So maybe the answer surrounds us and we don't have eyes to see
that you're always good, always good
This heartache is moving me closer than joy ever could
And You're always good

My God, my God, be near me, there's nowhere else to go
And Lord, if You can hear me, please help Your child to know
That You're always good, always good

As we try to believe what is not meant to be understood
Will You help us to trust Your intentions for us are still good?
'Cause You laid down Your life and You suffered like I never could

And You're always good, always good
You're always good, always good

you know what I'm humming... HumminB

13 Comments

A Wonder-full weekday wander.

2/23/2018

0 Comments

Time for a wonder-full walk. Want to come along? With temperatures soaring to the 70’s - 30 or 40 degrees warmer than normal!!- we won’t even need our sweatshirts! (As you can tell, our walk happened a few days ago, since today is a rainy "high of 47 degrees" day!! I guess this makes our wonder-full walk even more of a treasure!)

Let’s wander along Hickory Lane and Cemetery Road; the sky is a canvas of cloud splendor, and it might take us forever to walk a mile...I keep stopping to look up, to turn fully around and look again, gaping at the shifting magic overhead. The scene changes, reframes, comes into focus, fades, and changes again. I can't seem to find any words but Wow! And thanks!

facing north east at 4:19pm

facing south west at 4:22pm

In the flooded meadow, the puddles are full of clouds, it’s Longfellow’s “Infinite meadows of heaven” reflected in slop, and I think, “This is my life.” (Yours too?) Still, it’s puddle-wonderful. (Thanks, e e cummings.)

My life in five words: Heaven reflected in the mess.

My heart is so full I can barely breathe. For three days, that one new worship song has filled my mind, my heart; now it overflows, and I’m singing truth loud and scaring the birds.

Your deep, deep love
Washes over me
Your deep, deep love
Fills my every need
How I long to hear Your voice call out my name
It draws me to Your deep, deep love...
(You can learn it and sing along right here!)

I adapt it and sing it again -
"How I love to hear Your voice call out my name,
it draws me to Your deep deep love..."

The creek sings too, its own water music, lavishly splashing the full greenness of spring across a dead log.

Willows wave promises, and I wave back.

Overhead, a robin prances in the tree tops...(but won't perch for a clear photo!)
Bluebird call notes make my heart race; a cardinal sings in the underbrush.
And look! In the thorn thicket, a perky Carolina wren announces himself.

Not all the sounds are music. Near the still-frozen pond, geese are loudly out-of-sorts. Probably, they wanted to take a float; their complaints rasp the air like rusty gate racket. But I still love them. They make me smile.

And over everything, sky wonder. More extravagant than you would ever imagine seeing in this long valley in the drab of February. The skyscape is full of glory, clouds of all sorts gather and disband, little windows of azure open and close, and I wonder what’s coming next...Jesus? A cold front? Both?

4:57 pm

5:07pm

This vision of sky beauty and the smell of wet earth and the robin song of hope swell up inside of me and I’m sure if I don’t sing I’ll break wide open...

Were the whole realm of nature mine. (Wait...isn’t it all mine for the seeing and hearing and feeling touching and even tasting, because it’s all His and so am I, and it’s all gift?)

That were an offering... (a present, this present moment, my heart clear full, my vision fully clear for this glimpse of enough and glory, mud and clouds)

Far too small – (and yet it’s all I have to offer, my small presence, my small gifts, my small full soul, broken, mended, filling, spilling joy.)

Love so amazing, so divine demands my soul, my life, my all. It’s small, but it’s my all...

and I fling it heavenward like a handful of feathers and of course it comes back all over me,
joyful thanks pouring grace back over me.
I’m walking on a cloud of His enoughness, and it carries me.

Maybe tonight in my dreams, I’ll be flying.

5:19pm

5:20pm

5:36pm Praying Hands.

5:44pm

5:49pm

Hummin(flyin!)B

0 Comments

More thoughts on pause: "Cloudy with a chance of joy..."TED talk link.

1/30/2018

1 Comment

Need another nudge in the direction of “nowhere?” In his TED talk, Cloudy with a chance of joy, Gavin Pretor Pinney suggests that “to tune in to clouds is to slow down, to calm down; it’s like a bit of everyday meditation.” (I highly recommend you take ten minutes and 50 seconds and listen to this!)

Maybe on these bitingly cold mornings (here in central PA) you’re looking forward to that summer vacation, thinking about how you’re really going to take advantage of the chance to do nothing. But don’t forget to look up NOW, in this moment! You never know what you might see...

Late afternoon parhelion..."formed by refraction of sunlight through ice crystals high in the earth's atmosphere."

As Pretor-Pinney puts it,

“You don’t need to rush off away from the familiar,
across the world, to be surprised.
Pay attention to what’s so commonplace, so every day, so mundane
that everybody else misses it.”

"(Clouds) are in fact the most diverse, evocative, poetic aspect of nature." G. Pretor-Pinney

"Cloud-spotting legitimizes doing nothing...and sometimes we need excuses to do nothing...

We need to be reminded that slowing down and being in the present,
not thinking about what you've got to do
and what you should have done,
but just being here,
letting your imagination lift from the everyday concerns down here...

it's good for you,
it's good for the way you feel,
it's good for your ideas. It's good for your creativity.

it's good for your soul."
Gavin Pretor-Pinney

So, go ahead, pause and look up.
Wherever you are, look at your patch of the sky and marvel at what you see.

Breathe in, slow, deep breaths, and breathe out thankfulness for the infinitely beautiful sky above you, for the creativity revealed in shape and form and color and movement.

Psalm 19:1 The heavens are telling the glory of God.
(Clouds too? Yes, I think so!!)

HumminB

1 Comment

Reading messages in the...sky?!

Always good...

A Wonder-full weekday wander.

More thoughts on pause: "Cloudy with a chance of joy..."TED talk link.

Author

Stay Connected!

Categories

Archives