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Questions from the wilderness: Would I have looked here for the One who sees me?

4/28/2011

Genesis 16. This is not my favorite Bible story, the one entitled "Sarai and Hagar" in my current favorite Bible, the English Standard Version. But, I need to re-read it in preparation for teaching Sunday school class, so here I am. No one looks good in this story. Impatient, childless Sarai takes matters into her own hands and puts Hagar in Abram's arms which right from the start does not sound like a smart idea to me. Abram "listened to the voice of Sarai, v.2," without listening for the voice of God and life gets considerable more complicated when Hagar ends up pregnant. Now the cat is out of the bag and what had been only speculation becomes common knowledge: Sarai is the reason Abram has no son. Hagar flaunts her pregnancy and its implications, Sarai can't take it, Abram abdicates leadership, Sarai abuses her power...and Hagar flees to the wilderness. It's not a pretty picture, it's not tidy, and no one is nice.

and Hagar fled to the wilderness...(v.6,7)

I keep reading. Hagar and I have so little in common:
She's young, I'm...not.
She's a slave, I'm...not.
She's pregnant, I'm... NOT.
She has a hard nomadic existence, and I have a North American lifestyle.

And yet. When I see her there, stumbling in the wilderness, I can identify with her lost loneliness. Some days, my own wilderness is bleak. While the fabric of spring landscape unfolds around me in layered greens and splashes of blooming, feathered yellow, my soul wilderness can seem gray and foggy, rocky, thorny and brown.

The angel of the LORD found her by a spring of water in the wilderness(v. 7)

And God finds me, and asks me Hagar's questions, His questions, always the same questions: (v. 8)
"Where have you come from and where are you going?"

And I sigh.

Well, if I could rightly answer those two simple queries, perhaps I wouldn't be here in this wasteland of weariness. Hagar cannot answer both questions and neither can I.

And He said…"Where have you come from?"(v.8)

And she tells Him, the God who sees and knows, what both of them already know. "I am fleeing from… Sarai." Like Hagar, I can only tell from whence I've come, and although my picture is different than hers, it's still hard. "I'm here," I also tell the God who sees, "because I do not want to be 'there', in that hard place." She is fleeing difficult people, misunderstanding, mistreatment, mis-used power, pain. I am fleeing misunderstanding, difficult people, unchangeable circumstances, pain. Why does He ask me this question when we both already know the answer?

"And where are you going?" (v. 8)

Well, there's the $10,000 question. Hagar can't answer this one, and to her credit, she doesn't even try. And me, where am I going? Even on the best days, it's a question I cannot answer. And on days like this, when life has moved from hard to impossible, from painful to excruciating, from unknown to unknowable, from weariness to exhaustion, from anxiety to wide eyed fear, from barely hanging on to free fall…where am I going? Well, I'm going down, how's that for an answer? Why does He ask me this question when we both know I don't know?

Return to …her…(v. 9)

God's response to his own question is hardly comforting. Where are you going? You are going back. Back to life as you've known it, back to "where you have come from," back to all of the above. Is He kidding?? "What kind of an answer is that, God, " I want to shout. "No, thank you. Is there another option, a different answer to my question, for God's sake.. for my sake?"

I pause and Hagar nudges me; she points me to a different perspective of God's questions and His answers.

So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her,
You are a God who sees me.(v.13)

I see no direction in this at all, nothing about where I've been or where I'm headed. I fume. This information is beside the point. But wait. An "ah-ha" moment. This is the point, and all of my looking back and looking forward suddenly fades to foggy irrelevance. He is the God who sees….because He is with me. Like Hagar, I am incredulous. He sees, He cares, He is present. Wherever I am, there, here, coming, going, in the fog, in the black hole that is the future, He is the God who sees. When I think I cannot see Him, He still sees me.

Where have I come from? He was there with me in it.

Where am I going? I still can't answer this.

Where am I now? I am right here, present in the presence of the One who sees (me?!) even here in my own wilderness. It's not where I want to be, not necessarily what I had in mind when I left "there." Not a destination. But here I am. Again. And I ask the question Hagar asked.

Would I have looked here for the One who sees me? (v.13 footnote,ESV.)

Oh God, no, of course not.
Anywhere but here (or there!)
And yet, here You are.
You were and are looking for me.
Hagar is right in her conclusion:

Truly, here I have seen Him who looks after me. (v.14)

Wherever I am, past, present, future, that's where I am, or, more to the point, that's where He is. Dear God, is this about being where my feet are again?!? Should I laugh or cry? Why can't I get this? Why am I stuck? This is the heart of so much in my life, to learn to trust that the God who sees me… is seeing me, is with me. This day, then tomorrow. Trust. Repeat.

I turn, return, to face another day. I'm more like Hagar than I'd realized. I too am going back, back there. But I do not go alone, uncared for, unseen. I go, I stay, I live in the Presence of Him who looks after me, for He is the God who sees. Me.

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Yogurt Making for.... Anyone! (Learn how to make homemade yogurt!)

4/11/2011

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Making homemade yogurt is almost as much fun as making homemade bread, and some of the same principles apply. The process is part science, part "feel", and part magic. This post is to help a little bit with all three. The process is not really complicated, but it does take time, probably three or four hours, start to finish. You don’t have to be doing something most of that time, you just need to be around! Here's what you need to get started!

Equipment:

A 3 qt or larger pan and lid.

A cooking thermometer – I think a candy thermometer would be best, but since I don't have one I have always used my meat thermometer with good results. You will need one or the other. Temperature is important.

4 pint jars and lids. You do not need "canning" jars/rings/flats, just 4 small jars that will hold about a pint each. I use old peanut butter jars.

Ingredients:

Milk – 3 pints. I generally use 2% milk from the grocery store. Whole milk works, and so does skim. I have also used fresh milk from the neighbor's cows, which we use regularly for everything else, but I've found the yogurt seems to "separate" and the shelf life is shorter. You can do your own experimenting!

Unflavored gelatin – 1 Tablespoon dissolved in ¼ cup cold water – you can use one envelope of Knox gelatin or one tablespoon if you buy in bulk.

Yogurt starter – ½ cup Each batch of yogurt requires ½ cup of yogurt starter. You can save ½ cup from each batch of yogurt if you like but of course that doesn't help for the first batch. And, I've found that what usually happens at our house is that someone empties the last jar, (often it's me!!) and, oops, no starter! Again. Yet I feel annoyed buying that big container of yogurt at the grocery store when what I want to do is make my own. Then I learned that yogurt can be frozen! Now, I buy that large container and freeze all of it in ½ cup containers. When it's time to make yogurt, I just set one out to thaw, and I'm ready to go!

Dry powdered milk - ½ cup

Sweetener - I use a sweet-n-low substitute, with sweetness equivalent to about one heaping Tablespoon of sugar which makes a fairly tart yogurt. You can experiment.

Vanilla – 1 tsp.

Process:

Now you are ready to start making your own yogurt! Anybody can do this, and I'll be glad to answer any questions that arise. I'll give the directions step by step, (that's the science,) followed by my chatty comments and explanations to help you with the "feel" for the process, and throw in a few tips I've picked up along the way to help with the magic!

1. Scald the milk to 180 degrees and cool to 120 degrees. Just keep the thermometer in the pan all the time and when it reads 180, pull the pan off the burner and work on the next step while you wait for it to cool. (It's best not to bring it to a boil, but I often do, so….it survives! I have tried just heating the milk to 120 degrees and following the recipe from there, but something happens between 120 and 180, might be science, might be magic, but it has to heat all the way up then cool down for the yogurt to "set" later.)

2. While waiting for the milk to cool, stir the gelatin/water into it with a wire whisk.

3. Keep waiting. In a glass measuring cup, combine the ½ cup yogurt starter, the sweetener, the powdered milk, and the vanilla. (Stir this very thoroughly now, because it is a pain to mix it into the milk if it's a lumpy, bumpy mess.)

4. Keep waiting. Fill the pint jars with very warm water from the tap so they are ready when you are at step 6!

5. Keep waiting. When the milk has cooled to 120 degrees, stir in the yogurt starter mixture, using a wire whisk to mix thoroughly. That's all there is to it!

6. Now it's time to incubate the yogurt so it can "set":

- Fill a pan with very, very warm water from the tap; it should be around 120 degrees. (I usually let the water run into the pan in the sink while I am filling the jars on the counter so that the temperature stays constant when I set the jars in place.)

- Fill the jars, put the lids on tightly, and set the filled jars into the pan filled with water. Water should be well up the sides of the jars but NOT over the tops.

-Put the thermometer in the water and cover the pan with the lid, letting the thermometer visible.

7. The yogurt needs to stay at about 110-120 degrees for several hours in order to "set". There are fancy yogurt makers, but the best (translate that,"cheapest, easiest!") way I've found to incubate is in the oven with the oven light on and the door closed. I turn the pan so I can read the thermometer through the window and let it sit that way for a few hours It generally maintains the temperature near 120 degress.

That's it, yogurt making for anyone! After waiting at least 2 hours, (I usually wait 3) move the jars to the refrigerator and prepare to amaze your family with yest creation! If the yogurt still looks very liquidy when you take it from the pan, don't worry. It has to chill, and then it should be ready to eat.One of my family's favorite ways to enjoy our yogurt is with a nice splash of strawberry jelly in the middle. You will need to experiment with the sweetness if your family prefers a really sweet yogurt as this is fairly tart and tangy. You can mix fresh or canned fruit at serving time. Stirring really vigorously tends to break up the yogurt, so just fold in gently.

Enjoy!

If you have any difficulties or questions, post them below and I'll do my best to answer. Maybe some other yogurt makers will share their tips to help you get the feel for the magic!

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Still looking for spring? May I be of some assistance?

4/9/2011

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I'm trying to bring two recent topics together in today's blog post! The weather still isn't acting like traditional spring, and while it's tempting to complain, I'm caught between my recent rant about weather griping and my Lenten list of gratitude!

And so I bring to you, my fellow travelers who may be in the same squeeze, a few pictures of the "soft signs" of spring. These aren't your typical daffodils, lamb and forsythia shots, mostly because none of those have yet made their appearance here in central Pennsylvania, at least not at my house. (Okay, I have daffodil buds and promising forsythia, but no blooms.) Instead, I bring you some less obvious but worthy signs of the reality of imminent spring.

Take a deep breath, relax, and rest in the promise. (Scroll over the photo and click "play" to view the slideshow!)

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April Fools?

4/4/2011

7 Comments

April 1 has come and gone, and we've all been fooled, again, by each other, by our children, by the crazy weather. And people are no longer amused. Being fooled isn't funny after April 1st, and even on the day, no one wanted to see snow. I kept hearing, "Seriously, in April?"

It seems like everywhere I go, I hear talk (translate, grumbling, grousing, and general whining!) about the cold, the snow, the wind, the absence of spring. I try to be polite, I nod, I murmur, I smile. But inwardly I have things to say, responses, comebacks. Tonight I indulge myself. I speak my mind. I make reply.

My first reply is, seriously, why take it so seriously? It's been March, now it's April! This is what the weather is like in this region of the country at this time of year. It's fickle, capricious, unpredictable - a flibbertijibbit, a will-o'-the-wisp, a clown....oh, wait, that's Marie in the Sound of Music, but the description still works. This is nothing new, this is what it's like here. You know that, you've lived here forever.

Another response I contemplate sometimes is, "let me give you some real problems to worry about." Look at the lives of people around you.   Kids are watching their homes disintegrate as their parents choose addictions over offspring; older people are trying to figure out how to pay for their medications and their heat; neighbors are ending chemo treatments because the side effects are ruining what life they have left. There are people in your world who would be happy to be able to walk out the door of their home in the morning and scrape snow off their vehicle and head to work. If they could walk. If they had a home. If they had a working vehicle. If they had a job. And that's just in your tidy North American world. That doesn't even touch on what life must be like in a squatter camp in Johannesburg, a garbage dump in Manilla, or a mountain village in Afghanistan...

On a more positive note (if you're still reading!) I want to say to all the nay-sayers, what do you mean spring isn't coming? Again, it's been March, now it's April. Spring always comes, it's almost here. And have you never read the promise,
                                                            "As long as the earth endures,
                                                            seedtime and harvest, cold and heat,
                                                            summer and winter, day and night
                                                            will never cease. Genesis 8:22

"As long as the earth endures, seedtime..." You just need to look more closely, more carefully, more thoughtfully at the world around you. No, the forsythias aren't blooming, nor any other flowering shrubs or trees, but there are other less ostentatious signs of spring creeping into our valley. If you choose to look for them, to cherish them, these little things will change your perspective.

Once when we were walking through a particularly difficult season as foster parents, an older, wiser caseworker commented, "Be thankful for the little things, because sometimes that's all there is." The grammar of that sentence troubles me a bit, but the deep truth it contains has comforted and carried me through many challenging days. (I"ll probably need it tomorrow.) So, to help you see that spring is coming, I've compiled a list (how I love a list!) of the less spectacular but nonetheless reliable signs of spring. Don't expect daffodils and robins. I'm talking about the overlooked, under appreciated, easily ignored guideposts that point confidently forward to warmer, greener days.

Mud.
Mud means snow is gone;
this mud holds a fawn's footprints.
I wonder if his mother ever gets tired of muddy feet?

Moss.
Moss is winter's only ground greenness,
but these sprouts are brand new.
You must look closely to see them,
and risk your knees to damp and mud,
but the green is so fresh your eyes can feel it.

Thorn Bud.
The pasture shows patchy green,
and far distant trees still stand
bare, waiting.
Close at hand,
twigs gain color and
the thorn tree boasts
blood red buds.

Shades of brown,line upon line,
say, "the mud is gone,
and the green will come." Welcome.

Great God of small things, have mercy on me.
Help me to see, help me to believe.
I don't want to be an April fool.

7 Comments

Questions from the wilderness: Would I have looked here for the One who sees me?

and Hagar fled to the wilderness...(v.6,7)

The angel of the LORD found her by a spring of water in the wilderness(v. 7)

And He said…"Where have you come from?"(v.8)

"And where are you going?" (v. 8)

Return to …her…(v. 9)

So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her,
You are a God who sees me.(v.13)

Would I have looked here for the One who sees me? (v.13 footnote,ESV.)

Truly, here I have seen Him who looks after me. (v.14)

Yogurt Making for.... Anyone! (Learn how to make homemade yogurt!)

Still looking for spring? May I be of some assistance?

April Fools?

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Stay Connected!

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Questions from the wilderness: Would I have looked here for the One who sees me?

and Hagar fled to the wilderness...(v.6,7)

The angel of the LORD found her by a spring of water in the wilderness(v. 7)

And He said…"Where have you come from?"(v.8)

"And where are you going?" (v. 8)

Return to …her…(v. 9)

So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, You are a God who sees me.(v.13)

Would I have looked here for the One who sees me? (v.13 footnote,ESV.)

Truly, here I have seen Him who looks after me. (v.14)

Yogurt Making for.... Anyone! (Learn how to make homemade yogurt!)

Still looking for spring? May I be of some assistance?

April Fools?

Author

Stay Connected!

Categories

Archives

So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her,
You are a God who sees me.(v.13)